yes! I have to live on

me, my lil sis (Lenlen) and my lil cousin (Hninsi)

Many a time, I couldn’t think of anything but death

Sometimes, It confused my thoughts so much

So much that I believe nothing would clear off what’s going on in my brain

Even my favorite gospel song couldn’t wash away my bewilderment, my fear

Sometimes, I fear so much but didn’t know what I am afraid of

I am sure I’ll meet my creator once my breathe is taken away

Why am I in constant fear then?

I do not know.

There are times I want to give up totally in my life and astray like a vagabond, this kind of repetitive thoughts occurred to me very often.

I frequently asked myself

“Am I the futile one to my family?”

“Does my existence really benefit anyone in one way or the other?”

“Does my existence really matter?”

 “Yes”

I find the answer in the eyes of my siblings and my little cousins.

Keeping aside the unending love my parents, my relatives have for me,

Regardless of all my failures in life

My little ones are my happiness, my hope for wanting to live again

They just adore my smile when I couldn’t buy them toys

They intensely love me

They look up to me

And among everything, they want to be like me when they grow up

So, I have to live on

I have to be a role model for them